wanna go halves on a baby?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
