Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
