The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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