Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
