I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
