i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
