please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
