It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
