I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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