you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
