Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
