Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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