The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
