my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
