i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
