Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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