Yo dont text me then not text me
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
