Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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