My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
