Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Randomize
