Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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