I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
