This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
