The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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