sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
