Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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