I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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