Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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