Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
