..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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