We're like a lot better than the average bears
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
