i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
