I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
