His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
