Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
