So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
