The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
