yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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