Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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