took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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