Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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