yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
