I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
