I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
