You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
