and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
