im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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