What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
