In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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