What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
