i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
