He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
