oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
