I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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