Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
